Mother's Day Reflections
Mother's Day 2018 is kind of a big deal, I mean, this is the first ever mother's day that I am a mom! This is the beginning of many, many more mother's days celebrating my love for my amazing little girl.
I'm sitting here writing this after a day of snuggles with Sawyer. Nothing out of the ordinary. After supper, instead of a bath, she decided she didn't want to be put down and slept for about 30 minutes. Which of course made bedtime later than it should've been. Which in turn, pushed back some cleaning that needed to be before morning and slowly my stress level rose. Like most moms, I have that constant to-do list swirling in my head. That dreadful never-ending to-do list.
But sitting there rocking this sweet little girl, thinking about how much she has already changed and grown, I took a breath. It's hard to picture what Mother's Day 2019 will be like. Imagining her running around and playing with anything she can get her little hands on. I hope I can be exactly what she needs me to be.
Here is something I wrote on an Instagram post, just a month or so after Sawyer was born. She fell asleep on me and as I looked down at her, I thought about what an amazing woman she would become.
"My goal is to raise you to be kind to all living things. To be creative, imaginative and driven. To never give up on your dreams or to stop believing in the magic of this world. To have an open mind and love of learning. To see the goodness in everyone but to also be wary of the bad. To know your worth and never settle for less than that.
To know that wherever you are, whatever you do, daddy and I will be with you and if you stumble, we will be there to help you along.
But please, take your time. Don't grow up too fast."
When we found out we were going to have a baby, I knew I wanted a baby girl first. I think I really wanted to be able to have the type of relationship my own mother and I have. We are incredibly close. Tell each other everything. There is nothing I can't come to her about.
I grew up in a single parent household. My mom pulling double-duty as mom and dad. She isn't perfect but she is an incredibly strong woman. She is fiercely independent and has outlined so many things for the way I live my life.
Never be somebody's second choice. You can do anything you set your mind to. Be passionate. Never settle for less than what you deserve.
We may not have been rolling in money but we never went without. She gave me an appreciation of hard work and always putting family first. I remember growing up, she was always "the cool mom" because she drove the coolest cars or she would pick me up at school early so we could go do something fun (shopping usually!). During the teenage years, she would always tell me to call no matter what time of night, no matter where I was, if I needed her, she would be there.
Now my mom is a grandmother and I get to be that kind of mom to Sawyer. I want her to grow up and still be able to come to me no matter what the issue. Whether it's sex, drugs, school problems, friend drama.
I also decided when she born, that I needed to start focusing more on myself. I know, I know. Not usually what you hear when someone talks about parenthood. I realized that I wasn't who I wanted to be for her. I wanted her to grow up in a world where her mom is truly happy and living her best life. So I took the leap and started "being the change I wished to see in the world". I started buying less plastic, became a vegetarian and then a vegan, taking time to read or just spend a few moments to myself, and most recently I have started trying meditating.
I want to better my life so that Sawyer's life can be the best it can be. I put a lot of pressure on myself and have to constantly be reminded to step back, and just breathe. Mindfulness is going to be a major thing I will be working on this year.